She, he
by javct
Summary: Once, Lily stood on his doorstep with her guitar, wondering what he would say.


**Author's Note: **the jily feels attacked me.

Lily hated endings. More than she hated beginnings. Endings were always so prominent and final. She detested the idea of never seeing that person again. So, it came as a shock to Lily when she was staring down the end of a wand, facing her final ending, that she felt surprising calm. Death was, after all, an ending to match all endings. It wasn't just an ending to a friendship or a relationship with someone it was the final ending. The ending that you could not escape. It is your ending. Your death. Escaping is impossible. Yes, Lily hated other people's endings, yet, not her own.

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James hated introductions. It was his fault, his only fault in his fine biased opinion. When James first met Lily, his eleven year old self screwed it up; he teased her friend and destroyed his chances of a relationship with his beloved red-head for at least five years. His mother had long guessed that James' confidence was not confidence deep down, but a desire to be loved. With his confidence he got attention and with attention came praise. James had never been very good at introductions, or second meetings or even thirds. For James, four was the lucky number.

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Lily enjoyed the rain. Living in England, it was very hard to avoid. When it rained on the holidays, Lily would sit by her window pane and watch the raindrops race each other to the bottom of the window. Rain soothed her and made her feel content with her life, her house, her belongings. Because when it rained her and Tuney would talk again - briefly - and within the confinements of the small London house they shared, she would find her old toys and drawings. Rain made Lily feel young and carefree in the middle of a war.

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James enjoyed muggle music. He discovered his love for muggle music when Lily dragged him into a record shop in the early stages of their friendships. When he came home one day with a stack of records in his hands and a smile his mother had never seen before on her sons face, she was confused. James bought himself a record player and listened to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones constantly. Sirus thought he was crazy. James didn't care.

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Lily spent her spare time in the Hogsmede cemeteries. It was her special place; she never told anyone about it, except James of course, in later years. She never quite understood herself why she enjoyed cemeteries. She found them peaceful and quite. Lily would bring a blanket down and her guitar sometimes. She found she could write music better in a cemetery. She knew it was an odd habit to have - writing music in a cemetery but she didn't care. She had no family in this cemetery but she knew of people that did. Occasionally, she would go down to the cemetery and place flowers on unmarked graves. It was her way of paying her respects whom had fought in the war and died.

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James spent his spare time in trees. He could see clearer from the top of a tree. It was like flying without moving. It he was frustrated or confused he would find the highest tree nearby, climb it and remain there until he calmed down. No one ever thought to look for him in a tree. He enjoyed listening to the birds twitter to one another, it made him smile hearing innocence somewhere. He felt happy, finding something that the war hadn't touched. When his father had died at the hands of Voldemort, James had remained in the Forbidden Forest, high up in a tree for four days. Lily found him and climbed up into the tree with him. They remained there, in silence, for several hours.

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Lily was scared. She was scared of the war and of the Slytherins. She was scared of the future and of her family. She was scared that one day the war would just engulf her and destroy her slowly. Lily was afraid of the unknown and what it might bring. She had always loved magic because it was something she could control; and control overran fear. But the war could not be contained with magic. No, magic was the cause of the upcoming war. Out of her three fears, Lily kept this one to herself. Her secret fourth fear. She had never even told Severus about this fear, it was something she kept inside herself. She only told James about this fear the night before her wedding. He could see her shaking slightly and smiling, he leaned forward, kissed her forehead and hugged her, whispering promises to her through the night.

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James was content. He never saw any need for traveling around the world. He had always had a feeling within himself that he would never see the end of the war anyway - many people died young in a war. James loved England and saw no need to leave the United Kingdom. The lands were unknown to him and the sky was a different colours overseas. James was content with his life and his future; he knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted to play Quidditch for an international team; he wanted to marry—with Lily if he managed to _woe _her, settle down and have a family. He had already promised himself that he would give his child the family he never had. A good one. With love and happiness.

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Lily played guitar. When she was younger, her mother had tried to get her Petunia into playing the piano ('because it is more lady like than a guitar,' her mother used to say) but Lily never took to the instrument. She adored her guitar, even bought it herself. Begrudgingly, her mother paid for guitar lessons for twelve year old Lily. Lily never looked back. As she matured in her music, she began to write her own songs. She had always heard that someone's music is their heart on paper. She never believed them until she wrote her first song. She cringed to think about the first song she ever wrote as a thirteen year old girl. Her cat had just died; so she wrote a song about how she felt. At her wedding, Lily wrote James a song and performed in front of everyone. She had never seen James cry before.

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James played Quidditch. That much was known to everyone who attended Hogwarts. His Quidditch skills were unfathomable; one of the best chaser's the school has ever seen. The first time Lily had rejected him in their sixth year, he had evaded buglers and hit Quaffels late into the night. He would loose track of time up in the air. When James was Quidditch captain, he would work the team two hours longer than their three hours training session and not even notice. To James it was all about winning. If there was one thing he loved more than flying, it was winning. He loved seeing the look of despair on the other teams faces (especially the Slytherins).

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Lily loved James. She loved him more than anything else in the entire world. She would give her life for him in a heartbeat. Lily loved James like John Keats loved Fannie. From a young age, Lily had always dreamed of a love like Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy, like Fanny and Edmund, like Jane Eyre and Mr Rochester. Instead she got flawed, egotistical, James Potter. The James Potter that loved winning, that spent his spare time in trees; the James Potter that flirted constantly, and that had an outrageous temper. But despite all these flaws, Lily loved him. Lily loved him and the way he spun her around when they danced, the way his glasses fell down his nose, the way he snored softly when she read him poetry and the way he hugged her when she was crying.

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James loved Lily. So much he died for her.


End file.
